31 Jan 2019

I’m Nice. Honest.

I love writing real life posts… I find them quite cathartic, and I suppose there is only so many times you can use the words ‘luxe’ and ‘amazing application’ before it gets a bit tiring. Obviously if this isn’t really your thing then feel free to click away, I won’t be offended…

I suppose this all stems from feeling a little bit lost lately. And by lately I don’t mean right now. In fact, things have never felt righter (?) Fab use of the English language there Jo. Double thumbs up. I have gotten back into reading, and things I have previously loved like; photography, blogging, and watching rubbish TV whilst gorging on chocolate.

What’s most important is that I am doing it without judgement. I no longer feel the need to conform and appear ‘normal’. Put it this way; I now collect Funko Pop’s, and what of it? If I don’t want to speak to a group of girls because I have nothing in common with them, (and there’s that underlying current of them being bitches anyway) fine? FYI my judgement was correct on that one.

It’s definitely important to remember that each to their own when it comes to personal interests. The only thing I have really learnt is to…

Stay 'weird'.

Remembering that liking my own space and time is not anti-social. Just because I don’t like, or value, going out for a drink and getting shit faced doesn’t make me weird, or not nice.

It’s no secret I struggle to make ‘friends’. I am certainly not unfriendly, I am actually the complete opposite. I can pretty much get along with, and strike up a conversation with anyone. I moved around a lot in my adult life, and have predominantly been in long term relationships which, I guess, has hindered the friend making process in the past.

But what’s a friend? A group of people thrown together with only one thing in common? I often think that my hobbies and the things I like are so inclusive people won’t get it, guess I was right when it came to my last relationship! I love the fact that my extremely small circle of friends isn't demanding. I love the fact I don't have to see them all the time to know that they are there for me and vice versa.

Don’t change yourself to suit someone else’s lifestyle.

But that doesn’t make me not a nice person. I am a really nice person actually. I would do anything for my friends and loved ones. I am a very ‘homey’ and loving person, I love nothing more than to look after people (and pets!) and I love my creature comforts. Put it this way; making coffee, providing snacks and doing laundry is totally my thang. But I’m also tactile, and a strong believer in romance, even in the smallest gestures. You know, keeping that spark alive?

I guess all that sorta thing contributes to being a happy person, and for a long while I wasn’t happy, or nice for that matter. I was horrible in fact; I would cry, shout and just be unkind, but I’ve learnt that that was just a by-product of living such a repressed life. When you are backed into a corner and fight or flight are the only options, I always fight. It honestly scared me to believe that that was just who I actually was then, and forever will be. Thank goodness I’ve learnt that that isn’t true.

Hard times have a tendency to bring out the worst in people.

Don’t get me wrong, there is still a long road ahead of me when it comes to getting back to the person I once was, but I can see progress, and that’s good enough for me. I’ve missed being that happy go lucky gal, who would never go to bed on an argument, and always puts other people’s feelings before her own.
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